Commitments, Crazy Schedules, Dreaded Carpooling: The Balancing Act for Working Parents

Tanya Tieman is an Entrepreneur owning Tanya’s Image & Wellness Salon. She has 46 employees in two locations. Tanya is also a hair stylist for film, TV, and an image consultant, makeup artist, children with hair loss partner and wellness advocate. Her most important job is trying to create balance between work and raising her daughter. 

In today’s busy world, most of us are passionate, courageous and crazy enough to go after our dreams in every area of our lives. Work, family, social – none of it is easy, especially when we attempt to do it all at once. For me, the only way to literally “fit it all in”, seems to come down to making the best choice in the actual moments that my life is unfolding. This is a dramatically different idea than merely living by a neat and tidy manageable schedule. It requires a great deal of awareness, flexibility, and a clear understanding of what is most valuable to me in that moment…and these skills, I had to acquire!

As a single parent that has my daughter 100% of the time, I know that every choice I make will ultimately affect her socially and emotionally and, in the end, will be the foundation of our relationship. I, like many of you, am planting seeds for my daughter with the vision that they will grow wildly. But time is the resource that I have the least of.

As a hairstylist, I get the unique opportunity to meet many working parents. The one thing I hear the most is how guilty they feel. Guilty for needing (or wanting) to work while their kids are young, for missing a game or needing to travel for work… heck for missing anything really. The “guilt game” that we play with ourselves requires us to focus intently on each choice that we make and to know why we are making them. Because time, and where we chose to spend it, is the only thing that we can’t get back.

I’ve struggled with this for the last five years. There is always something extra that seems to get thrown my way. I’m in a constant state of figuring out how I’m going to balance my time in fulfilling ways. Sometimes work wins, sometimes my daughter wins, and sometimes friends win. It’s the game we ALL must play to have it all. 

For me personally, I have two salons that I own and operate, I teach classes for my stylists weekly to keep them razor sharp, as well as styling my clients three days a week. The extra’s that get thrown my way can be anything from special clients from my work with children with hair loss, image consulting or working on a movie. This past month was no different, I was given the opportunity to style for the movie "Carol" being filmed in Cincinnati. This was a rare and exciting opportunity but required time…of which I had none in reserves! This is where choices of where to allocate my time had to consciously be made. To be clear, I had to choose what I most wanted when the opportunity was presented to me and if I had the time or not. I chose to say yes!

Of course, I have planned for and prepared my staff for times when I can’t be there. I have incredible managers that run the salons smoothly; I have a great team of stylists that can take care of my clients, and the best nanny and extra sitters lined up to help. This is important, because if you don’t have the people around you to support you and you try and do everything yourself, you Will fail. 

We need to remember we are not Super heroes but we are Humans with super potential. 

Working on a movie set is long…12-18 hours long. I can’t take care of my day to day activities. I have to make the choice of where I will spend my free time. My daughter is always first priority for any of my time off set.  If it’s a day that we start at 5am, I will ask to get cut first so I can be home in daylight hours to see my daughter. If it is a day that we go in late, I spend the morning with her. If I have a day off we go do special things together. During the time I’m working on a movie and trying to take care of my clients at work, I don’t use my free time to clean my house, pay bill’s( I put my bills on auto pay and open my mail at the end of the film), watch TV, or surf the Internet.  

When I am home I put down my phone, don’t turn on the TV or iPad and put my focused attention on my child. Half the time, I find out about current events through my clients. I don’t sleep much, but I know that it’s only temporary. When I am at work I stay focused and I am present there. 

I work when I’m at work and I’m home when I am home. 

We can’t do it all, something always has to give. Whether it’s having a not so perfectly clean home, sleep, time with friends; we have to make the choices on the sacrifices that we are willing to go after what we want and live the life that we want.  

My house isn’t always as clean as I would like it to be, I don’t get much time with friends, I can’t make it to church every week and dating has been pretty hard; but, I have made the choice to put my daughter first while having an exciting career that keeps evolving as I evolve.

At 42, yes I am tired and my schedule is full; but, I choose this life for myself daily, and with deep awareness of what’s important to me… moment to moment. I have it all right now because I am mindful and flexible enough to let things go when they need to go, change when they need to change and be when they need to be. 

My daughter and I cook dinner together, we take the dogs out together, we read the bible together and we travel together. If she has taught me nothing else, she has taught me to be alive in every moment, to take the time to do the everyday tasks in life together and make them fun. Yes, I miss games and moments in her life but she is growing up with a happily fulfilled mom, knowing and feeling that she is loved and a priority in my life. 

I think that we all struggle with the balancing act of working, taking care of and “being” with our families. If you simply take the time to figure out and be aware of what is important to you in every moment that you are presented with a choice then you will make the right decisions about what you chose to have time to do in your life. Simply by staying awake to what your passions are every moment and letting that guide what you spend your time on, you will feel less guilty, more freedom, and less like a failing super Hero and more like a super parent.